Funny Love Quotes

Quotes | and Sayings Pictures

  • Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener
    ― Pauline Thomason
  • Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage
    ― Ambrose Bierce
  • A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears          ― Les Dawson
  • You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it

― Henny Youngman

  • love is like a war; easy to start but hard to end and you never know where it might take you
  •  Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand
  • Men always want to be a woman’s first love – women like to be a man’s last romance.
    ― Oscar Wilde
  • Loving is like peeing in your pants – everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth
  • Love is loving what your lover loves
  • Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.

― Oscar Wilde

  • Come live in my heart and pay no rent.

― Samuel Lover

  • A happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries
  • Love thy neighbor, just watch out for the husband
  • Falling in love is not at all the most stupid thing that people do, but gravitation cannot be held responsible for it

― Albert Einstein

  •  Love lasteth as long as the money endureth
  • To be in love is merely to be in a state of perpetual anesthesia – to mistake an ordinary young woman for a goddess
  • In the morning I can’t eat, I’m thinking of you. In the evening I can’t eat, I’m still thinking of you. In the night I can’t sleep.. I’m so hungry!
  • Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it. Let’s do it, let’s fall in love
  • Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell
    ― Joan Crawford

Because -strange, but it’s also funny ha-ha.

There’s a funny thing about love and relationships, and it’s called everything. Thankfully, some of our favorite comedians can relate, and we found the love quotes to prove it. Not only are these hilariously , they’re 100 percent spot on, and from some of the world’s most famous, influential people to date.


“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.”

— Will Ferrell


“I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.”

— Russell Brand


“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”

— Rita Rudner


“If you text ‘I love you’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back.”

— Chelsea Peretti


“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.”

— Natasha Leggero


“I’m now making a Jewish porno film. 10 percent sex, 90 percent guilt.”

— Henny Youngman


“My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.”

— Garry Shandling


“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.”

— Richard Jeni


“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?”

— Lily Tomlin


“Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.”

— Jerry Seinfeld


“My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.”

— Joan Rivers


“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”

— Chelsea Handler


“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.”

— George Burns


“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”

— Groucho Marx


“Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.”

— Woody Allen


“If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.”

— Fran Lebowitz


“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.”

— Richard Pryor


“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.”

— Chris Rock


“My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.”

— Rodney Dangerfield


“I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself.”‘

— Johnny Carson


“My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor.”

— Elayne Boosler


“My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.”

— Ray Romano


“I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.”

— Jack Benny


“Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.”

— Unknown


“Women love a self-confident bald man.”

— Larry David


“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.”

— Billy Crystal


“Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.”

— Bill Maher


“Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.”

— Jackie Mason


“Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.”

— David Sedaris


“Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.”

— Phyllis Diller


“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.”

Funny Love Quotes | Funny Quotes on Love and Sayings Pictures, Funny Love Quotes | Funny Quotes on Love and Sayings Pictures, Funny Love Quotes | Funny Quotes on Love and Sayings Pictures

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